Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
