dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
