It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to align my fucking chakras
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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