this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
