Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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