I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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