I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
