dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
