So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
be right there i have to get my cape
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
