I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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