ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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