fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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