Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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