Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
