I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
