So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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