if only i could text you this smell
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
