we have pet lesbian snakes
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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