what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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