He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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