who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
