if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
