It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
