I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
