I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
