ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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