Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
