So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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