I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
