my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize