His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
