im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
