i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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