I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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