My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize