Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
