someone get that fucking seahorse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
