the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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