The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
