I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
