Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
