Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
