i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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