This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
