ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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