I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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