apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
