Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
