The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
