If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
