My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
