grandma shit on top of the toilet
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
