You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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