Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
