she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
