my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
