i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
