What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
