I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
