Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
