Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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