she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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