a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
