did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
