If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
