There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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