he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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