new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
