his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
