You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
