I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
